Lessons Going into Marriage

I don’t know too many people that think the following when they get married: “Oh, I can’t wait to get rid of this one!” They may think it later, but it isn’t typically the thought in the early days of a relationship.

I have had people tell me that I have no grounds to offer any advice on this subject because I have been divorced. I beg to differ. I can offer plenty of advice through things I learned going into marriage, going through divorce, and finding the lady God intended the second time around. With that said, I want to share a few thoughts.

  1. Don’t marry out of the will of God! Some people are great…for someone else! God commanded His people throughout Scripture that they were not to marry certain people. Obviously, God has a person chosen for you. If you marry someone else, you have married out of God’s will. Face the fact early that you were not intended to be with that person and move on before you have regrets.
  2. Don’t marry for sexual pleasure! You might think that someone is “hot” and may have even taken that person for a test drive, but that is not a good reason to get married. You better be spiritually and emotionally compatible because sexual pleasure is not enough to make a marriage last for the long haul. Many marry out of the will of God because they are told “it is better to marry than to burn with lust”. I recommend to cool the hormones down and marry the one God chose. Then you will enjoy sex the way God intended…in marriage. Don’t let your hormones pick your spouse!
  3. Don’t reject your reservations! If things concern you now, they will be of as much concern if not more in the future. Don’t wait for things to get better! They probably won’t! If you can’t love this person the way he/she is, move on! 
  4. Get counseling! I mean get a licensed counselor who will get in your business. Many pastors are not equipped to counsel on this level, so a professional counselor is best.
  5. Be who you are now so there are no surprises later! Too many couples pretend through the dating/courtship process and let their hair down in marriage. Show the ugliest sides of you before you get married. It just might prevent you from divorce court.

I’m sure those of you with more life experience could add to this list. I welcome your comments. Your contributions help me be a better writer. I look forward to gleaning from your wisdom.

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9 thoughts on “Lessons Going into Marriage

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  1. What’s really helped me is being in a covenant with God. So my vows, my marriage,everything, are between God and I, rather than hubby and I. That tends to take a lot of pressure off. Ha! Hubby is just an innocent bystander. I’m kidding, but I think he feels the same way. If you ever get frustrated or just can’t stand your spouse, sometimes it really helps to remember it’s not about them, it’s about seeking the Lord’s favor yourself.

  2. All 5 points are great. For us it is about waiting upon God. I’m a little hesitant on point 4 after being in that profession for almost 4 decades. If seeking a Counselor select one that counsels from the word of God. Some will claim they do but really do not. Just my opinion.

      1. Its interesting how I once thought the pieces of paper on the wall made me a counselor and many years into my career I found the greatest book for counseling… The Bible. It is sad but in my years saw the truth.

  3. I think that there are a couple of basic things that I share with people looking to enter into marriage The 3 C’s = Christ, Commitment, Communication. See marriage as a pyramid with Christ a the top ( headship) and then husband and wife at the base on same plane together. Having the vertical relationship in proper order sure helps the horizontal relationship between the couple.

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