I can already hear the gasps. I have only announced the title and some people are getting uncomfortable. Why? Because Christians have a sex problem. Let me explain.
I grew up in Christian School. I remember most of my teachers stumbling across the word like it was completely sinful. Outside God’s design, it is sinful. Within God’s plan, it is beautiful. Why would God create sex if it was 100% perverted? The enemy perverted it, and mankind has perverted it. God never did. God does not blush on the throne of Heaven when someone says the word “sex”. He delights when a husband and wife engage in what He designed. A husband and wife can glorify God while doing so. If that were not the case, there would not be a whole book of the Bible which focuses on this subject within the marital relationship. If you’re wondering what that book is, it’s Song of Solomon (Song of Songs). I dare you to study it. Proverbs has some good coverage on the issue also.
You may be wondering what provoked me to post such a topic. It’s because too many teachers and preachers don’t have the guts to preach about it, then they wonder why there is a ton of sexual sin in their churches and in society. Preachers and parents have been way too bashful and have avoided the facts way too long. The less we talk about it openly and honestly, the more people are going to go out and experience it for themselves. Human nature is to rebel. If we teach what the Bible says in a nonjudgmental way, we just might be surprised at the results. We might actually see our youth want to save themselves for marriage. We might actually see people keeping sex within their own marriage. We might see less porn addiction. Furthermore, we might see less sexual abuse. The more we make it taboo, the more we silently encourage people to do the wrong thing.
Do you think there is a Christian sex problem? It isn’t because God doesn’t encourage sex in the most wonderful way. It is because Christians are too embarrassed and choose the avoidance method.
To parents, pray and be open and honest with your children. Answer their questions and keep an open environment. Proper teaching begins at home. You can’t delegate parenting to the church nor the school system.
To pastors, do not be afraid to address this issue biblically. Don’t be so clinical or professional that people cannot relate. Yet, on the other hand, don’t be so irreverent that you turn your preaching and teaching into a big joke.
Dear Christian, our avoidance has created a lot of problems but we still have time. Don’t wait until there is a problem in your home or church to talk about it or go to the other extreme by creating an atmosphere of shame. Let’s get biblical and talk about the beauty of what God designed and still has for a husband and wife to cherish.
Matthew Winters (Honest Thoughts from a Pastor) 
Amen, Matthew.
That culture of silence and shame around sex does immeasurable harm in so, so many ways. Who better to lead us to a healthy understanding of sexuality than the church? Sadly, we’ve often either avoided it or made it worse with our condemnation.
Also, I’m laughing here, but I have to be very careful lamenting about how “the church” fails to address sex, because the Lord has a way of placing me in awkward situations where I often have to do just that.
G’day Matt, thanks for posting. Your right, there is lots of avoidance. I think this is more on a cooperate level and really needs to change.
Your question – Do you think there is a Christian sex problem? A good one to throw out there. A combination of what you have talked about in your post “The less we talk about it openly and honestly, the more people are going to go out and experience it for themselves. Human nature is to rebel.” and how much sin and the world has distorted sex has left people with crazy expectations that are full of lies.
The porn industry and Hollywood have a lot to answer for.
Thanks again for sharing, hopefully the conversation continues.
It is most definitely one we should no longer avoid.
Amen!!! This is so good and on point!!! 👏🏽🙏🏾 It’s an issue that needs to be addressed for sure. God bless you for sharing.
Great post and a great point made! I think about this often actually. If sex hadn’t been made into what it is today, in the world, we wouldn’t have the issues with abortion, homosexuality, teen pregnancy, and so on that we see today. Sex is the world’s new god. And they are sacrificing unborn babies for it. Among other things. Thanks for sharing!
Amen! We absolutely have to talk about it, and talk about the impacts of pornography use or addiction on marriages and on the family, too. That is why the Lord Jesus led me to write a book on this subject, which is free to read on the internet on a blog the Lord had me create for just this purpose, but you can also download it for free on the site, too.
We need more free resources which are biblical, which deal with these issues, in order to help people being impacted by sexual perversion – either the ones who are dabbling in lust or those who suffer the consequences of another’s addiction. So, if you will permit me, I will include a link here to the book, which I believe can help many people to be set free from addiction and can help bring healing to those wounded by the behaviors of the addicted.
https://walkingwounded.blog/i-married-my-dad/
Thank you for sharing this!
Yes! Yes! Yes! It’s okay – I’m not having an illicit orgasm!! 🙂 I heartily agree with you Matt. It doesn’t even have to be taught from the pulpit. Not even from the Pastor if there is somebody more suitable. But TAUGHT – it MUST!! How about men only and women only seminars that are compulsory for every member of the Church. Or small groups. Anything but let’s STOP pretending that Christians don’t have sex… or sexual temptations. Great exaltation Matt. Thank you 🙂
Thank you for sharing this!
I can say you did justice to this post. Well done brother.
Thank you! We can’t be silent.
Yes, we have shied away from this for so long, now, it’s time to speak up. More grace to you.
I agree 100%. The way sex is talked about in church, especially to young people has to change. We’re either scared into not having sex or the conversation isn’t had at all.
“Can I get an AMEN!”
Matt, Glad to see your approaching a topic that is all too often avoided. And sin in general. If sin was no big concern, Jesus would not have talked about the narrow gate.
Sex is a gift from God. For He said that it was not right for man to be alone. And it was a woman not another man to keep man company because of His command to go forth and multiply. In that, a difference is needed. And from that command was activated the reproductive function.
Since a new and unique human is the result of this function, needing care and nurturing, then the man and woman must behave responsibly both before and after in commitment to each other.
Love is not found in that which brings a man and woman together, but, rather is found in that which keeps them together. When the good of the other is put before the good of the self, perversity will have no place.
-Alan
You are right. The problem is that lust has replaced love.
Yes it has! And that is so horrible, too, and so hurtful, and so damaging to relationships.
Well done Matthew, well done. I agree that sex NEEDS to be talked about without in the church.
It is coming about…but it’s like a century late. I pray your post resonates with many believers and that begin the process in their church with possible small groups.
God bless.
Thank you. I pray the same.
I guess I need to proofread my comments before posting….crazy spell check go me…ughh
Amen! I guess I was the only one who didn’t grasp. I’m really glad you spoke about this. And its true the pastors barely preach about this in church. Hmm what a shame! God bless you and continue to be real! Xx
Thanks, Tammy!
You’re welcome! 😊
Great Post, Tammy. You are right that most Pastors feel uncomfortable about preaching about this from the pulpit, and so syeerckear of the subject altogether, and much prefer preaching on David versus Goliath. Yes, even though, they feel uncomfortable, at least they should have a Bible study or teaching seminar during the week. It doesn’t have to be from the pulpit – actually, I am a pastor and I would feel a touch uncomfortable preaching from the pulpit – “WEAR A CONDOM – BUT ONLY AFTER MARRIAGE!” I would be more comfortable teaching as a sex-education seminar. I think every Christian should challenge their pastors to start one – with today’s stark statistics (even from within the Church) it is imperative)
I think I shock my teen sons when I directly tell them, “Respect the girls. Do not touch them in any way, keep your hands to yourselves because each girl is another man’s future wife. “Covet not your neighbor’s wife.” The Commands and Laws of God on sexuality is the purest, logical teaching there is. My daughter and her now husband saved their first kiss on their wedding day.
Great post!
That’s great!
Thank you. I attended a women’s conference and the issues of sex and intimacy were explored. If the church can’t handle these issues, many people will live in disobedience and hurt because partners will always go out and cheat.
AMEN! I agree!
Amen! I 100% agree with this. Too many people are scared to talk about these issues that plague our everyday lives but act surprised when it takes place close to home. If we would all be open and honest about it there would definitely be a difference in the way young people view the topic and by extension reduce their need to rebel against the Word of God.
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Thanks for following UTLOT; you are very kind.
I agree; my mother has always been extremely open with me about this topic and I definitely see a difference in how I handle sex compared to other people my age. I am blessed that it was never portrayed as a “forbidden subject” and I think that my lack of rebellion has to do with the way it was handled. Blessings!
Thanks for sharing this! My parents were very open with me also. It proved to be a good thing.
Amen! In scaring people away, we are sending them away from righteousness and leaving them into the arms of deception.
Wonderful post!
Avoidance is fear and fear is the opposite of expression, freedom, and love. Religious shame and sexual fear has created most if not all of our social problems.
Approaching 49 years of marriage (in May), I couldn’t agree more. I require counseling before I will perform a marriage, and I tell couples that without heart intimacy, physical intimacy becomes boring, but with heart intimacy, it never does! (I sometimes get blushes when I say that.) Blessings on you as you proclaim God’s truth.
Excellent advice and so true!
Thank you Matt..as young people we are never really taught on this subject and if you ask questions,you are seen as if you are stepping out of God’s way.At times we ask because we want to protect or save ourselves not because we want to indulge in it.
I agree! I feel that a lot of the things we often deem corrupt are aspects of life that are meant to be a beautiful gift. Sadly, we often miss this because we just avoid the discomfort. Great insights. Thanks for writing!
We sometimes demonize what is uncomfortable. It’s time to address this the way God intended.
The silence on sex issues will always have that rebound effect. Young people will seek information from non trust worthy sources and then parents and guardians will now have the problem of solving bigger issues. My opinion, let us talk about sex and let us draw the necessary lines for the young ones. Necessary information will take away a lot of the curiosity.
What you speak here is a lot of truth and I agree that we do need to be far more open and approachable about it. I too think we have a sex problem
Very bold. I’d have to agree that the lack of initiative to properly teach its true design would usually result in a misplaced curiosity to just about any age bracket. Thanks for this. 🙂
Thanks for reblogging!
Yes, yes, yes! God created sex as a means of married couples to have intimacy. It is beautiful in the context God created it as. However, since we see it so promoted in the world in unfavorable ways, we choose to try to purge any thought or conversation regarding sex. I came from a family that was divorced. I never saw what love and intimacy could look like. It can be so sweet to see how God keeps bringing individuals back together and keeping them connected through day to day tasks partially due to what happens in the bedroom. Gasp! Yes, I said it!
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yes god has created this but we are moving so faster for tomorrow and we still do not talk about this at open ground.
What is natural and healthy should not be condemned and tabooed. If anyone does so, they are nothing more than a charlatan.
Thank you so much for this post. Actually, I am thinking if I can start blogging about this topic too because I am too shy or just don’t know how to approach this topic. However, you are right, what’s being shameful to what God had designed for marriage? We, Christians need to be open about this topic. We need to study it so there’s no way the devil could use this avenue to tempt us to sin. Thanks again!
Wow!!!! this is so good !! You are so right . People need to step up and talk about it . It definitely is a problem for sure .