I would dare say that most people do not do well when it comes to conflict resolution. Typically, most people do one of the following:
- Ignore the problem.
- Talk to someone else about the problem (or several others)
- Explode and justify their out-of-control anger
None of these responses or reactions is healthy. They are toxic and cause your work or home environment to be toxic. Paul told the Ephesians in chapter 4 to not let the sun go down on their anger. That gives the devil an opportunity to have a lot of fun. It may begin as something small, but Solomon said that the little foxes spoil the vines (Song of Solomon 2:15).
Don’t lose relationships, jobs, or anything else because you are too proud or don’t know how to resolve conflict. You and I must learn. You may think your bitterness only affects one person, but it is infectious. Put out the fire before you burn down the forest.
8 thoughts on “It’s a Bigger Deal Than You Think”
Such great advice!
Amen and Amen
I will be linking to this often from future posts.
This is so important. Sometimes it takes an outside party to really help you understand that though. My husband and I argued all the time. We were in a toxic church environment, but were getting counseling through the pastor. He threw bible verses at us and told us to memorize them. It didn’t help. We left that church and after a few years started seeing a Christian counselor, but still an educate therapist. The pastor we previously saw was trained in nouthetic counseling, not an educated therapist. Anyway, this new guy we are seeing is great. He’s practical and helps us break down the walls of conflict. There is underlying reasons sometimes why people just can’t “go there”. My husband, coming from a family where they swept everything under the rug, was used to valuing his image. So whenever I came around and would bring up something negative, he took it personally–even if it was me just bringing up something with the kids. He took it as some sort of attack on his character. So in the end, it really helped us flesh that out. His brain was in protective mode and until he was able to really see that, then he could acknowledge that was what he was doing. Otherwise, he just thought I was making a mountain out of a molehill. We communicate so much better now! And while verses help, it also has been a tremendous gain to have a counselor who understands marriages and conflict and how our upbringing might have hindered us. I told the counselor that he’s a conflict avoider and I’m a conflict creator. Instead of working with each other, we were working against each other and chaos ensued.
Thanks for sharing this! Many have been through similar situations and never sought the right help. May God use this to enlighten someone.
It also takes 2 humble people, or at least somewhat humble! I will say I was not as humble mostly because I had tried so hard previously and I was angry. When we tried our current counselor, I literally said to myself “if this guy dismisses or invalidates me, I’m done,” He didn’t invalidate me at all. So then my heart softened towards counseling. It’s difficult when one party isn’t willing to listen or change.
Yes, The Lord says that there will be offences. It is we learning to deal with the offences in more healthy and life giving ways that is the Joy of the Lord. Amen