It is sad that we live in a society that has created the stereotypical man and stereotypical woman. While some men and women reflect the societal stereotype, many do not. I cannot speak from a female perspective, but I can tell you a few things about a man.
Many view the needs of a man as simple: food and sex. I actually heard a pastor preach and tell the women in the congregation to keep their men well fed and well bred. It’s not that simple. This is not one-size-fits-all, but here are some things to consider. I welcome some tasteful insight in the comments.
- Men want to be respected. If a man feels disrespected, you should expect a breakdown in communication. If a man feels like the one who approaches him is being condescending, he will shut down.
- Men want affirmation. If a man does not feel appreciated, he will eventually not want to give his best because he will feel like it is not good enough.
- Men don’t want to be nagged. This has some relation to the previous statement regarding affirmation. If all a man hears is what he does wrong or has his every move controlled, he will fight back or internalize his feelings that will eventually lead to bitterness.
Men do have emotions. The men I saw in my family acted tough, but I saw their softer sides. They tried to act like they had it all together, but they were affected by things emotionally.
To the ladies reading this, the man in your life may not seem like what I describe. Every man is different. Find out his love language and “speak it” as he should do the same for you.
I will close with a few resources that I have found helpful:
- “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman
- “His Needs, Her Needs” by Willard E. Harley, Jr.
- “Love and Respect” by Emerson Eggerichs
Communication is key, so it is necessary for you to know true needs of a man. It is not as black and white as you might think.
Matthew Winters (Honest Thoughts from a Pastor) 
Glad you hit on this Matthew! It’s not just food & sex or black & white. Men are complex creatures too. Words of affirmation is one of mine. A simple thank you honey goes a long way!
Awesome resources! All three are excellent!!
I’m the same, Stuart. Words of affirmation are huge for me.
Reblogged this on Talmidimblogging.
Amen! I am very much against the new age femenism because their message or goals so thoroughly disrespect men, their roles, and their authority. While also destroying what makes women so unique as well. People need reminded that men and women are first and foremost, “people” made in the image of God.
Amen to that! God designed specifically for a reason, and we are to bring Him glory with the way He designed us.
Yes! Men need respect! It really bugs me when women tear down their husbands to their face and/or behind their back. My husband isn’t perfect, but neither am I. The more I show him respect and encourage his strengths, the happier he is. So thankful you posted this!
Been married 55 years. Affirmation is key for me too. My husband leads everyone to think he needs nothing. It took me years to see that was not true. Love the new books to help us understand each other. We are all different but the same in so many ways. Communication is key to a lasting relationship. My tongue is my sin.
I’m encouraged by those who have been together as long as you and your husband. You have a lot you can teach us younger ones.
I Praise God for all the young who God has Blessed with such wisdom. 🦋🙏❤️
So true. Sometimes I have to pull it out of him, but because I’m willing myself to be vulnerable and to communicate with him, it makes better for him to be the man wants to be for us and himself
Truth!
I have read two of the three books you mentioned. They should be MUST reads for wives before they can get married (in my opinion).
Great post!!!
That which holds tried and true is found in the tradition of first things. The obvious purpose and state of things. Men and women practiced the now lost art of being gentlemen and ladies. In that there was an unspoken mutual respect for each other’s unique and vital role in society. From this grew the family unit where the roles of father, as head of the family, and mother, as heart of the family, were unchallenged, unapologetic, harmonious and clearly defined. Leaving the children thereof free of confusion, conflict and rebellion. A stable society depends first and foremost on the stability of the traditional family unit, unfettered by disruptive outside influences which are contrary to the tradition of first things.
-Alan
I’m very late reading this, but I’m so glad I did. Great post! Thanks for including some resources as well.
I appreciate your emphasis that not everyone fits stereotypes and a man may not fit the description you offer either. My husband does not need lots of affirmation and “words of affirmation” is NOT his love language. I do like the Love Languages book. I do NOT care for the Love & Respect book at all. I just read and reviewed it here: https://lightenough.wordpress.com/2019/06/27/love-respect-by-dr-emerson-eggerichs-book-review/ At the end of that review, I suggest another Christian marriage book: Making Marriage Beautiful by Greco – 5 stars!!
Thanks for sharing that with me! I will check it out.